About me
I am 49 years old and a teacher in NYC. I am married, and I have raised 2 daughters and have 3 other adult young women who are surrogate daughters to my wife and me. I have always been politically active (on the left). Dealing with my parents has become almost a full time job.
My parents
My parents are 79 (dad) and 75 (mom). 14 months ago my mom had a stoke. I can't say that was surprised by this. She was a smoker for over 40 years and fought her weight through out her life. She also HATED going to the doctor, especially when she didn't feel well. As a result of her stroke and the medical care (or lack there of) that she received, she is now totally dependent on a 24 hour aide. She cannot eat and is paralyzed on her left side. My dad had already had some memory issues - repeating stories, forgetting small things. The stress of the past year has accelerated this. Now his lapses are bigger, and his confidence is shrinking. I know that he is fighting to keep control of his life, and the more help he needs the more he feels like he is losing this fight.
Where are we?
So where does that leave me? I am now go to person #1. I am on call 24/7. I have 3 things that have helped me keep my sanity (so far). First and foremost, my wife has been fantastic. She has helped, supported and given me a place to lean on and a shoulder to cry on. Her biggest frustration is that there is only so much that she can do. Second, I am lucky enough to have a fantastic relationship with my ex-wife. she lives much closer to my parents and has been a wonderful help, being there when I could not. Finally we have been lucky enough to hire aides who have worked well with my parents.
So I am navigating the system we have in place for elderly when their health fails. This is a system that works great if you are rich (my parents are not), so-so if you are poor, and not at all if you are middle class.
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